


Blind date

by Dand3l1on



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fun banter, SO MUCH FLUFF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-10 21:12:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5601136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dand3l1on/pseuds/Dand3l1on
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU-Muggle: Hermione and Fred have a blind date, but when he shows up late, she's about to give up and go back inside for snuggles with Crookshanks and a glass of wine. Fun banter and fluff ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hermione stood outside her apartment building, arms crossed, hip jutted, tapping her toe. She'd long since given up on feeling her feet for the rest of the night, her legs were freezing, and her gold sequin dress let every last chilly breeze pass across her skin.

Why in the name of anything at all had she agreed to a blind date?

She heard a rumble in the distance.

She was beginning to entertain the idea of giving up, going inside, and snuggling up with her cat, Crookshanks, for a cozy night in.

The rumble grew closer.

Hermione opened her clutch and checked her phone for the time. He was 10 minutes late, which was 15 by her standards.

"Well, I'm done,” she remarked to exactly nobody.

She climbed the steps to the building door, reached out for the door handle, and heard a deafening engine pull up and stop right behind her.

"Wait!"

Hermione froze, but didn't turn around. She could still duck inside. She didn't owe him anything. The night was young. There was so much terrible television to watch. So many fuzzy pairs of socks to choose from. And the sweatpants, oh the sweatpants.

He cut the engine.

“Please wait Hermione, I'm so sorry, I know I'm late. Give me this one strike and I'll make sure you have a fantastic night.”

She still didn't turn around. Baggy t shirts, taking off this stupid strapless bra, finishing off the last of the Zinfandel and opening another Zinfandel. She sighed, still facing the door.

 

“Two strikes.”

“Pardon?”

“You get a second strike for the motorcycle.”

“Well that's hardly fair. Can't be expected to lumber around the city in a camper van now can I?”

She smirked against her will. She whipped around to glare at him but found herself completely incapable. His tall figure stood at the bottom of the stone steps, wearing a bright pink helmet with beer stickers plastered to it, his cheeks squished absurdly forward. He held up a hand in argument.

“Now before you go laughing, this is my sister Ginny's helmet. I couldn't find mine, and I was, well I was running late.”

Hermione smiled wider.

“Oh, I wouldn't make fun of you. You look really tough. From the neck down.”

“Ha! She can sass. Strike me dead, I'm in love." He took off the ridiculous helmet and bounded up the stairs in two's. Hermione glanced over his messy crop of red hair and handsome features. He held out his hand. “I'm Fred, which you already knew. I'm late, which you also already knew. What you don't know is literally anything else.”

“I know you have a sister named Ginny and a friend named Lee who's friend's with my friend, Angelina. Actually I think he has a thing for her, maybe we should set them up.”

“Hm, that's a negative, I'm afraid my brother George is moving in for the kill with Angelina.”

“I hope, to the stars above, that you are speaking figuratively.”

“Ah, if only.”

“Shame.”

Hermione smiled, but wasn't letting go of the door. Fred smiled back, and then took on a more serious tone.

“Listen, I need to tell you something very important.”

“Ok, I'm listening.” She let go of the door and crossed her arms, mostly trying to hide how cold she was getting. Fred took her by the shoulders and looked right into her eyes.

“You are breathtaking. Stunning. The most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. Hands down. I need you to know that, right now. Do you understand?”

Hermione felt her face turning so many hues of pink and red. “Uh, ok. Thank you.”

“Right,” he pointed at her torso, “that dress will be absolute shite on this thing so let's scurry upstairs and get you changed.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said your dress is no good for a motorcycle and it makes me want to go to bed with you so let's go up to your flat and- oh my god,” comprehension dawned across his face, “I sound like an absolute creep.”

“Yes, quite.”

“May I back pedal?”

“Please do.”

“Hermione. I would like to take you on a date. But you are already cold, look, you’re shivering. Here.”

He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. He continued,

“Let's go up to your flat, I'll hide my face behind a frilly throw pillow, and you can get changed into something you will actually enjoy wearing tonight.”

She thought a moment, and then nodded.

“Yeah, ok. But I do not have frilly throw pillows.”

“Yes you do.”

He smiled as he opened the door for her and they headed towards the stairs. Fred scrunched up his face.

“What's that smell?”

“Yep.”

“Definitely food related.”

“Yep.”

“And possibly an unintentionally dead animal?”

“Yep.”

They reached the landing and walked down the hall.

“Possibly an unintentionally dead person?”

“Possibly.”

“Or an intentionally dead person.”

“Be quiet!” Hermione gave him a playful smack on the arm with her clutch. They reached her flat and went inside, shutting the door behind them. She stopped and turned to face him. She pointed at him and said,

“I have mace, so don't try anything.”

He held up his hands. “Agreed.”

Fred appraised the living room. He made his way over to her numerous books, falling out of the overstuffed shelves. “Don't like reading much do you?”

“Har har, very funny.” Hermione walked to the bedroom. “You stay out here.”

“Right, frilly throw pillow, looking for, a frilly, throw Helloooo…”

Hermione stopped in her tracks. Oh god, had she left her bra on the back of the couch again? What was he looking at?

A large meowing puff came in through the bedroom door at eye level followed by Fred's body.

“I believe this counts as a frilly throw pillow.”

“I can assure you there's nothing frilly about Crookshanks.”

“If you say so.” He backed out of the room still holding Crookshanks over his eyes.

Hermione took off Fred's jacket and threw it over the chair in the corner. She kicked off her heels, pain and suffering instantly alleviating from her toes. As she shimmied out of her dress and other constraints, Hermione asked loudly,

“Where are we going anyway? I mean, how should I dress?”

“Whatever makes you comfortable, love.”

Hermione grinned mischievously. “Ok.”

A few moments later, Hermione sauntered out into the living room in green button up flannel pajamas and pale blue bunny slippers. She walked over to Fred who was somehow still managing to hold Crookshanks in front of his face.

“You ready then?”

“Yes.”

He lowered Crookshanks down to the floor and looked up. He bunched up his lips in thought, stroking a non existent beard.

“Delivery it is!”

“What, no, I was just playing. I'll go change.”

“No, don't! I like it!”

“You can't be serious.”

“Why not? There's so much pressure on first dates. Why not have a night in? You're comfortable, I'm comfortable. You have a cat with a weird name, I'll order out, uh, what would you like, pizza? Chinese?”

“Chinese of course. Really? Didn't you have something planned? Don't you have a reservation somewhere?”

“Well, yes, but nothing I can't cancel with a quick phone call. Please, come sit next to me on this really low couch. Do you see how high my knees are?!”

Hermione laughed, but sat down cautiously. “And, just to be clear, no funny stuff tonight.”

“No funny stuff. Sleeping together tonight is completely off the table. One hundred percent. I promise.”

“Alright.” Hermione stood and walked over to the fridge. She scanned around the door. “Ah, here we are. Menu for _Wok the Wok._ ”

It was sometime between the food arriving and clearing away the empty containers that Hermione finally began to relax. Their conversation was easy, it came naturally. Even the awkward pauses didn't feel all that awkward.

“Ok, I picked food, you pick a movie. They're on that shelf over there,” said Hermione.

Fred got up and walked over to the shelf. Hermione stared unashamedly. He looked back to say something and stopped short.

“Are you checking me out?”

“I wouldn't dream of it!”

“So I'm hideous?”

“No, that's not-”

“Ah, so you think I'm delectable, you WERE checking me out.”

“You're impossible.”

“On purpose.”

Fred picked a movie off the shelf, sat down, and handed it to Hermione. She got up, turned everything on and loaded the disk. She was bent over the dvd player when realization struck her over the head.

“You're checking ME out! You did that on purpose!”

Fred laughed and sank into the couch. “It's not my fault you fell for it,” he said, still laughing. He had his arms stretched out on the back of couch. Hermione sank down next to him and leaned in to his side. He pulled her closer with one arm and picked up her hand with the other. She looked up into his face and met his eyes. Stunning eyes. She smiled, and he gave her a very big smile.

“Hello then.”

The movie started, but Hermione didn’t notice. They were stuck. She couldn't look away. He leaned in. She closed her eyes. He let go of her hand and she anticipated it on her cheek. She felt his arm drape over her, but then he backed away. Hermione opened her eyes, only to be met with fabric too close to her face to make sense of it. She backed away.

“Didn't I say you'd have frilly throw pillows?”

Hermione rolled her eyes and smiled.  
Fred tossed it aside, turned back towards her and pulled her into a kiss. They broke apart slowly. He leaned in and kissed her again. He inhaled deeply, and Hermione felt her stomach flutter. They parted, but he nudged her cheek with his nose. Throwing caution to the wind, Hermione threw her outside leg over his lap, straddled him, grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him in for another long kiss. He wrapped his arms around her. His hands drifted until they rested on her hips, but he pushed her away and they broke apart.

“Hermione. I'm really interested in you. You're exactly what I'm looking for in a girl, smart, witty, incredibly sexy. But I promised. There will be plenty of time.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“I mean, about all of it.” She sank back down onto the couch.

“Every word. If there's a donut shop nearby, you may never get rid of me.”

“Can I get rid of your sister's ugly bike helmet?”

“The minute I find mine.”

He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss, then pulled her back into a snuggle.

\---

The automatic coffee maker bubbled to life, waking the two of them. Light poured in through the open curtain. Somehow, the two of them had wound up lying next to each other on the couch. Hermione wagered the wine had something to do with that. She squinted at him through her sleepy stupor and grimaced apologetically.

“It's on a timer.” she muttered.

“You should be ashamed.”

“I am.”

The coffee maker piddled away. Hermione asked,

“Did we finish the movie?”

“No, I turned it off when I heard you snoring.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes. Faint little purring at first, thought it was Mr. Crookshanks over there. But you woke me up 3 times.”

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry.” Hermione covered her face and rubbed her eyes, only remembering after the fact that she was still wearing make up.

“It's a good look.”

“Shut up.” She slumped against his chest.

The coffee maker finished with a loud and lasting gurgle. Hermione peeled herself away from Fred, who then threw his arms over his face. “Turn the sun down for me, will you, love?”

“I'm going to go get human again.”

Hermione took a mug of coffee into the bathroom, drinking large sips between washing her face, removing a dozen bobby pins from her hair, putting said hair up into a bun, and the morning usual. She didn't take long, but told herself if Fred left while she was in the bathroom, it was going to have to be ok. However, when she left the bathroom, she discovered he hadn't moved at all. She went to the kitchen to get more coffee, and pour a mug for him.

“Cream, sugar?”

“I'd prefer it if you called me hot cakes.”

“Hot cakes, what do you want in your coffee?”

“Cream and sugar, please.”

She brought the mugs over to the couch. Fred had his arms over his face until Hermione was right next to him. Then, without opening his eyes, he threw his arms out wide. “You took all the warm. Please can I have it back?”

Hermione set down the mugs. “Well, budge up.”

“I call _little_ spoon.”

“Oh fine.” Hermione crawled over him and hunkered down between Fred and the backrest. “There's absolutely nothing little about you-”

Fred laughed so loud, Crookshanks bolted into the bedroom. Hermione used the back of the couch for leverage and pushed him onto the floor.

“Drink your coffee.”

Fred sat up, still chuckling. “Thanks, love.” He took a sip. “Hermione?”

“Hm?”

“On a technicality, I broke my promise, but I hope you can still trust me.”

“What?”

“I said that sleeping together last night was off the table, I promised. Technically, I broke that promise. But I really am a man of my word.”

“Nope, that's strike three. Let’s get your coat.”

Hermione stood, grinning to herself as she walked away into the bedroom.

“No, wait, Hermione, please!” He chased after her, but was stunned when she pulled him into the bedroom and shut the door.

The door opened, a very disgruntled Crookshanks was shunted out, and once again the door shut.


	2. The Motorcycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One week later...

One week later-

Hermione squeezed the water out of her dripping curls with a fluffy yellow towel. She looked over at Fred, sprawled on the couch, his legs sticking out past the arm rest. She caught his eye. “What now?”

He looked up from one of her books. “Donuts!”

“Ok, there's a great place down the way, Go Nuts Donuts. We can walk there-”

“Oh no no no, you're not getting out of riding the bike this time.”

She glared at him.

“You can give me angry eyes all you want. But it's happening.”

“Oh alright!” She blustered. Fred jumped up and kissed her.

“It's loads of fun. I promise.”

\-----

“This is the second promise you've broken. It's not looking good for you, Fred Weasley.”

“Oh come now, it's not THAT bad.”

It was, in fact, that bad. Hermione had worn Ginny's ridiculous pink bike helmet as Fred zipped up this street and zoomed down that avenue. It wasn't the riding that was bad, on the contrary, she quite enjoyed holding on to Fred's waist as they drove. She felt sexy and cool, and Fred's driving didn't scare her.

The problem was her hair. The top half was still wet, but had been flattened out by the bike helmet. The bottom, however, could only be likened to an electrocuted sheep. As they stood in line, some of the patrons began to stare.

“Fred,”

“Yes, my fluff?”

“Fred. Please order for me, but I need you to get this right. One glazed, one chocolate frosted. This, is, _paramount_.”

“No that was last night.”

“Oh shut up.” She laughed and smacked his arm. “I'm going to the bathroom to do something with Frizzila.”

“Don't leave me out, I’ve always wanted to try a threesome.”

“Grow up.”

“I'm watching you walk away.” He called after her.

After slicking every errant strand down with water, Hermione put her hair in a top knot.  
She made a mental note that if she did date Fred, she would have to get extra creative with her hairstyles so long as he was driving that damn motorcycle.

When she left the bathroom, she looked around for Fred. She couldn't find him. She tried not to stare at people or look needy as she scanned the tables. Had he left? She thought maybe he'd left his wallet at her flat. But she had the keys, so it was useless to leave without her.

All within a single moment, Hermione heard her name, realized she was staring blankly at an elderly man's newspaper, looked up, and saw Fred outside the cafe window. Pirouetting.

As she walked outside, the bell on the door clanged loudly.

“You didn't think I'd left, did you?”

“Uh-”

“You did! What do you take me for?”

“Uh-"

“I'll take that as a compliment.”

“I-"

“Want your donuts?”

“Yes, please.”

They sat down at an empty table under the cafe awning. There were flowers in small vases on each table. While they ate, they had a brief discussion over whether or not the flowers were real. Hermione turned the vase over to demonstrate that it was fake. Unfortunately, she was incredibly wrong, and found herself with a lap full of water, a soggy half-donut, and a limp flower on her shoe. Fred exploded with laughter, startling a few of the passers by as well as a pigeon.

“Um, I did that on purpose.” Hermione muttered.

“No you didn't.” Fred was trying not to laugh.  
“Do you want to go back home?”

“Uh, nah, I'll be ok. Let's walk around. It'll dry in the sun.”

“I know a way to dry it faster.” He smirked at her. “And anyway, Ginny texted me while you were in the bathroom. She found my bike helmet, so if you're up for it, we could meet up at her place. That is of course, if you're free.”

Hermione had a hard time not telling him exactly how free she was.

“Yeah, I'm up for it. Let's go.”

Fred took Hermione through the heart of the city. The sun flickered down on them between the high rises. The wind was chilly when they were in shadows, but Hermione clung tighter to Fred. At stop lights, she would sit back a bit to give him space, resting her hands on his hips. When the light turned green, he would take her hand and wrap it back around his waist. She palmed his chest playfully, and he gave her awkward kisses at a long stoplight. They passed fewer and fewer high rises, and eventually headed out into a suburb. They stopped at a townhouse, which was so evidently Ginny’s, due to a pink motorcycle that seemed to match the bike helmet Hermione was wearing. Fred cut the engine.

“Here we are. Did you have fun?”

“I did! More than I thought I would. Let me guess, she's in number 12 there?” Hermione gestured to the pink bike helmet as she took it off.

Fred grinned, “Ginny never has been very subdued.”

They walked up the steps to number 12. Fred knocked.

They waited.

He knocked again.

They waited longer.

Fred pounded on the door, “Ginevera Molly Weasley! Open the door or I'll piss on your-"

The door flung open. “Hey Fred!” But this wasn't Ginny. At least, Hermione didn't think so. It was a man, she thought, with glasses and dark hair. I mean, she was all for transgender rights and equality, she just hadn't expected…

“Harry, this is Hermione, Hermione this is Harry, Ginny's hairy half.”

“That was terrible.”

“Let him have it, it's his only joke. Hermione, it's lovely to meet you, come in.” Harry shook Hermione's hand. “Fred you can stay out here and piss on the neighbor's rose bushes.”

“No he can't!” Came a voice from inside the house.

They walked into the living room. On one end was a wide shelf with vinyls, next to it a turntable and speakers. There was a couch, a couple chairs, and in the far corner was a rabbit hutch with what looked like a ball of hair sitting inside. Hermione didn't realize she was staring. Harry answered her unasked question,

“Oh that's Arnold. He's a Pygmy Angora rabbit. Don't let his cuteness fool you. He's a terror.”

Hermione smiled and walked over for a closer look.

A young woman with hair as fiery as Fred's came around the corner, drying her hands on a kitchen towel. “So Fred, how did that blind date go with the-” she looked up as Harry loudly cleared his throat.

“The what?” Inquired Hermione.

“The adorable woman standing in your living room, Gin? It went great. Ginny, this is Hermione, Hermione, Ginny.” Fred deftly saved.

Ginny blushed as she shook Hermione's hand. “I'm sorry, we all just called you “the introvert” when we were setting you two up.

Hermione looked at Fred, “How many people knew about our first date?”

“Not many, just my family.”

Harry leaned in. “Don't be fooled, they are a small nation.”

Hermione laughed. “Oh good. That sounds manageable.”

Ginny gave Fred an excited wink. “Hey are you two hungry? The game's on in an hour and I'm feeding whoever shows up. George is a yes, Ron practically lives here, Percy is a maybe and we all know that means yes but he wants to sound busy, Bill is picking up Charlie at the airport but they'll be here after halftime.”

Fred looked at Hermione, and then back at Ginny. “It sounds really fun Gin, but I think the whole lot is a bit overwhelming, don't you? I mean, the standard rule has always been we meet the new ones at the big holidays.”

“You don't think I can hold my own!” Hermione said defiantly, poking Fred in the chest.

Ginny laughed. “Ohohoho, Freddie you better watch out. Don't worry, Hermione, I have loads of chocolate and wine, it'll be great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this as a one shot, and was happy. But I kept wanting donuts and it unfolded from there. I don't know how much this story will have, but I know we have a game to watch, wine to drink, and a Pygmy "puff" to snuggle.


	3. Meeting the boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione endures a football game with all the boys. 
> 
> A/N- I know, I know, futbol. Please forgive me. I live in the US, so I was thinking of American Football when I wrote this. I was drawing from game day lunches I've had with friends (chaos ensues). Also, this story is set in spring and American Football is over by Feb. Sooo a few holes in the plot, but nothing critical. Enjoy!

It. Was. So. Loud.

 

Ginny, Percy, Ron, and Fred whooped and hollered at everything in this stupid football game. Hermione had never been very interested in sports, and this experience was definitely not helping. Hermione had watched Fred turn from an adorable guy she was thinking about dating, to a hollering baboon, clamboring on the couch and arguing (pointlessly) with the referees on screen.

Deciding to take a bit of a break, Hermione snuck out past the clan of red-heads and into the sunny kitchen. She found Harry there, loading the dishwasher.

“A bit much?” He chuckled.

“Um, yeah? Just a little. I mean, I have a cat and a bookshelf packed to the brim. I’m not exactly the type, you know?” She smiled. Harry nodded and smiled back.

“They’re all pretty animated, in their own ways of course, all together they can be intense. It took me a bit to get used to it. You’ve just gotta spend time with each individual. It’s like eating an elephant-”

“Why are you eating elephants? That’s cruel.” Ginny sped in, carrying empty plates and Arnold. She gave Harry a kiss on the cheek. “Hermione, it’s halftime. I promised you wine, and I promised me wine. How do you feel about some wine?”

“I’d love some.” Hermione sighed happily. Harry laughed.

“Why don’t you ladies duck into the study, I’ll bring it over to you.”

“Aw, thanks babe.” Ginny gave Harry a playful smack on the rear. She turned to leave and said,“Follow me, Hermione.”

They walked down a dim hallway, and Ginny paused about halfway down. “The bathroom is here, by the way, I hope you haven’t been holding it this whole time.”

“No, I’m fine, thanks.” Hermione smiled. She liked Ginny’s bluntness. They walked down the rest of the hallway and into the study. It was clean, bright, and cozy. There were bookshelves lining the walls, a desk in the back corner, and pictures scattered around the room. Hermione wanted to look at all of the books, but she didn’t want to seem nosey. Ginny gestured to a nice leather chair and she took the old chintz arm chair.

“I’ll take Granny Prewitt’s old chair. Some say it’s haunted. They say her farts linger in the cushions.”

Hermione laughed louder than she expected. Ginny’s previously stoic expression blossomed into a smile. She had a warmth about her, which could have something to do with the adorable bunny she was snuggling.

“Tell me about yourself,” implored Ginny. “ What kind of stuff are you into? It’s pretty obvious it’s not football, but I won’t hold that against you.” She laughed, “ I’m sorry, I just realized you might feel cornered. I didn’t mean to do that at all.”

“Aha, no, it’s alright.” Hermione chuckled. “I can’t say I am a big football, person, but I don’t mind the company.”

“Are you sure?” Ginny raised one eyebrow.

“I thought you weren’t cornering me?” Hermione raised her eyebrow back, and smiled devilishly.

There was an awkward pause.

“Ok, you’re cool.” Ginny smiled wider. Harry gave a light knock on the open door.

“Here we are, Ladies. I forgot to ask which you’d prefer, so, I brought one red, one white. Hermione take your pick. The red is a Zinfandel, the white is Chardonnay. ”

“I’ll take Red.”

“ _Yeah you will_!” a voice bellowed from the living room.

“Ignore whichever dimwitted brother of mine that was,” Ginny said as she pressed her hand to her forehead.

Hermione laughed. “It’s really ok. Thank you, both of you.” She beamed at Harry and Ginny.

“No problem, here you are, Gin.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

Harry nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

“Ok, let’s start with the basics. What do you do for a living?” Ginny leaned back and sipped her wine.

“It sounds really dull, but I promise it’s not. I work in Legislation.”

 

\---

 

Twenty minutes and a full glass of wine later, Hermione and Ginny were exchanging animated stories about college. Ginny was describing an ex-boyfriend.

“He had what?”

“A tattoo, of a flute.”

“Where?”

“... There…”

“No! Tell me you walked out!”

“I left so fast I forgot my shoes. It was January.”

“Oh no!”

“I know! I had to have Percy come pick me up, he was the only one available. It was mortifying. He lectured me the whole way home. Mum just laughed.”

There was a knock at the front door. Ginny perked up to listen. All Hermione could tell was that more loud men had arrived, and she was happy to stay where she was. Ginny stood up and said,

“That’ll be Bill and Charlie, and I think I hear George. Why don’t you come meet them?”

“Alright. Do you mind if I hang back to check my messages?”

“No no, not at all! I’m giving you fair warning though, you might get some wolf-whistles when you do come back out. We are severely outnumbered now, and the more boys there are, the lower their I.Q.”

“Duly noted.” Hermione chuckled.

Ginny took both empty wine glasses and stepped out. Hermione took out her phone and saw she had missed nothing. Not surprising. She sent a quick text to her mom and pocketed her phone. She stood to leave, but then and only then did the wine hit her. She realized way too late that all she’d eaten all day was a donut and a half. Not good. Very not good. She made a stumble towards the door. Just as she opened it, a familiar silhouette walked down the dim hallway. She was a little embarrassed about being so drunk in front of Fred, but she decided to roll with it. She leaned against the wall, blocking his way.

“Hey sexy, you looking for me?”

“No, the bathroom actually. Uh, hang on.” Fred leaned into the living room and hollered, “Fred! I think I found something of yours.”

Hermione was totally lost.

And then Fred walked over and stood next to Fred.

“WHAT THE?!” Hermione pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes as the entire house erupted in laughter. Hermione looked up again and whimpered pathetically. One of the Freds pulled her towards the living room and into a tight hug, still laughing.

“I’m so sorry, I held out on you, and only a little on purpose. Hermione, this is my twin brother, George. Georgie, this is Hermione.”

“The introvert.” Ginny shouted over the laughter.

“Oh! Hullo Hermione! It’s great to meet you! Freddie here hasn’t stopped talking about you.”

“Funny, he didn’t mention you _at all_.” Hermione pushed back and glared at Fred. The room erupted again, this time it was followed by whistles and shouts of “Keep her!” The laughter decreased and small conversations popped up. Hermione turned to face the twins and spoke very deliberately.

“Here’s what’s going to happen, I’m going to eat something, Ginny is going to make me coffee to make up for getting me drunk,” she pointed at Ginny who feigned innocence, “and then I’m going to stare at you both for the rest of the afternoon until I figure you out. Now, which one of you is my _boyfriend_?”

The room went quiet.

“Um, that’d be me, love.” Fred stepped towards her, wrapped her in his arms, and kissed her sweetly on the lips.  

 

  
  
  
  
Ginny wolf-whistled.  


“Oh shut it!” Fred and Hermione said in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Like it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments. I'm not sure what will happen next, but stay tuned.


	4. Better days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione finishes a terrible week of work, only to collapse in a pile of human experience on her own doorstep. Which Gryffindor will show up in this chapter? 
> 
> Two beers fluff and grammar.

Two Months Later

 

1:00 a.m.,  Saturday morning.

Hermione dragged herself up the stairs to her apartment, carrying her heavy work tote in one arm and her shoes and jacket in the other. She had been stuck at work, re-doing paperwork that an intern had completely messed up. Her only solace to her aching low back and pounding headache was finding a note taped to her door. It read:

 _Hermione_ ,

_I dropped by about 7 p.m. to see if you might want to grab dinner together. I haven’t heard from you in almost a week, other than your “Hello” text on Wednesday. I hope everything is going well. I understand if you’re busy, we’re still kinda new to each other. Sometimes things burn bright at first and settle in a little differently. I’d love to take you out for dinner soon. Call me when you’re free._

 

_Fred_

 

All she could do was whimper. He had been here, at her door, looking for her. She wanted to see him, and she had kept intending to call or text him all week. She thought about him non-stop. She was constantly having to drag her brain back to focusing on work. Her workload had increased steadily after the new year, and she felt she was reaching critical overload. By the time she was home each night, she’d had just enough energy to feed Crookshanks and fall face first into her pillow.

She dropped her shoes and jacket on the floor of the hallway, and began to dig through her purse for her keys. Finally, she found the “A” of “Aloha” on the bulky keychain her parents got for her on their trip to Hawaii. She gave it a good yank. The key ring had snagged on the fabric at the bottom of her purse, and as it inverted and spilled her entire life plus god-knows-what onto the floor of the hallway, Hermione lost it. She crumpled onto the floor and wept pathetically into her jacket. She cried because of work, she cried because she missed Fred, she cried because she missed her parents, and when she started crying because she thought Crookshanks deserved a better home, she realized she might be spiralling. She sprawled out on the floor, rolled onto her back and was letting the tears fall. She heard footsteps climbing the stairs. Hermione simultaneously considered collecting herself like an adult and also continuing to lay there, pretending she was dead. Unfortunately, she had to make a decision because they actually were walking nearer to her mess of emotions, receipts, coins, bobby pins, and tampons.

“Um, you alright miss?” a quiet male voice asked.

Without opening her eyes, she replied, “Obviously not, but I’m also not dead or injured, so please, carry on.” She waved her hand dismissively.

The voice chuckled. “May I at least help you collect your things into your apartment?”

Her eyes cracked open and she tilted her head up to look at him. “You absolutely may not. I have no clue who you are, and I’m not even sure I’m comfortable with you squatting so close to me while I lie here, extremely compromised. Now please let me carry on being extremely compromised in peace.”

“Ah, I see you’re a stubborn one. Well, let me assure you, my intentions are of the noblest kind. I’d also like to assure you I am a happily married man, and that my very pregnant wife is waiting for me to return with this burger and shake, so she’ll most certainly come looking for me in less than five minutes.”

With a raised eyebrow, Hermione considered him. “Show me the ultrasound.”

“Pardon?”

“If your lovely wife is pregnant and you’re half the goober you claim to be, than you have a picture on your phone of the ultrasound. So, let’s see it then.” She sat up to look.

“Oh, right, of course. Uh… here we go.” He handed her his phone.

This was a gigantic mistake. Not only did he have a picture of the ultrasound, but the joy in his eyes sent Hermione over the edge again.

“It’s s-so b-beautiful.” This was, of course, untrue. It was an unintelligible squiggle. It wasn’t the ultrasound that was beautiful, it was that some lucky woman upstairs had her life in order enough to be having a baby with a man who obviously loves her, while she, Hermione, couldn’t even manage to text her boyfriend back because she worked too much. She collapsed back onto the floor to continue sobbing, awkwardly holding his phone out to return it to him.

“Alright, come on then, let’s get you inside.”

She responded by sobbing. She managed to pull herself together enough to stand up. The kind fellow had found her keys and opened the door, remaining in the hallway. He was stooping to pick up receipts one by one, straightening them and laying them in an orderly stack. She joined his efforts by unceremoniously scooting everything inside the door in two fell swoops with the side of her foot. She sniffed and brushed the tears off her cheeks.

“Thanks. I mean, for caring.”

“Of course. One of us had to.” He chuckled again. “It’s none of my business, but whatever it is, I hope everything turns out.” He held out his hand. “I’m Neville, by the way.”

“Hermione.” She shook his hand.

“I’ll be off now. I’ve got the cutest grouch waiting for me. Luna’s a small bird, but she can stare a man down like nobody else.”

Hermione smiled. Neville picked up his bag of take-out and walked back toward the stairs. She said a quick “thanks again,” shut and locked the door. Immediately, she tugged at all her clothes as she walked to the bedroom, stripping down to underwear. She dumped the contents of her hamper on the floor and then used the basket to gather the mess by the door. The last thing she needed was to find gum wrappers in the litter box again.

After feeding Crookshanks, Hermione slumped into pajamas, turned on the television and poured herself a bowl of cereal. There was a knock at the door. She cautiously padded over to the door and looked through the peep-hole. It was Neville. She opened the door.

“Hi again, Hermione, I’m so sorry to bother you, I forgot I was holding your receipts when I went upstairs. I wasn’t sure if you’d need them, so here you go.” He handed her a small stack of receipts, smiled, and left.

“Thanks again.” Hermione said. As she shut the door, she realized she just said that to him, and said “again” quietly to herself. She leaned against the door and sighed. She really missed Fred. It felt silly admitting it, but all she wanted was to lean on his shoulder and hold his hand. Obviously she’d enjoy other activities as well, but not before a good night’s rest. She was imagining his smile when she said out loud, “Oh this is stupid, I’m texting him.” She dropped the receipts in the hamper and exchanged them for her phone.

 _“Hi Fred, I just got home and got your lovely note. I wish I had been home! I would love to have dinner with you as well. It’s been a long week, and I could do with a friendly face. I hope this message doesn’t wake you. Are you free this weekend?”_ Send.

Hermione set her phone on the coffee table and went back to her bowl of cereal. She figured he was asleep and promised herself she wouldn’t expect a response.

Whatever television show she was watching was rubbish, but she really didn’t care. She finished her cereal and set the bowl on the coffee table. The voices started to swim in her head and combine with nonsensical imagery.  

There was another knock at the door. Hermione startled awake, stood drowsily and crossed the room. She leaned up to the peephole expecting to see Neville again, figuring he might actually be a creep after all. But she flung the door open in pleasant surprise.

“Fred!”

“Hi, love. May I-” She threw her arms around his neck and smashed her face against his in a very messy kiss. “Mhmm,” he murmured into her lips. He wrapped his arms around her waist, picked her up, carried her inside and kicked the door shut with his heel. They held their kiss, but centered themselves, eliminating the awkwardness of haste. Fred turned them around and gently pressed Hermione up against the door, still holding his lips to hers. He let go with one arm and she heard him fumble with the lock. It clicked into place, and he wrapped his arm around her again. They kissed, nipped, and nuzzled for a moment before Fred backed away.

“I’m sorry if I’m intruding, but I’ve-” he smiled, looking down at the floor. “I’ve really missed you this week.” He played with a tendril of her hair. “You’ve become a really big part of my life, and I guess I can’t really hide it anymore. Georgie started a pool Thursday, everyone bet on when I’d just show up unannounced.”

Hermione couldn’t help but smile. “Oh yeah? Who won?”

“Mum. She managed to claim Friday before anyone else could.”

“Smart woman.”

“You’re telling me, she’ll probably even make the grandkids pay up. She might be able to retire.”

Hermione laughed. It felt so good to be with him, it felt so good to smile. “I’ve missed you too. Work was awful. Every time I'd reach for my phone to text you, I'd get called away to do something. When I would finally get home, all I could think about was sleep. I'd fall asleep for an hour and then wake up, feel your side of the bed, and wish you were there, were here with me. But it felt selfish to call in the middle of the night. ”

“So, I didn’t do anything wrong?”

“What? No! You were the only thing that was right.”

“You didn't hide out all week because I farted in my sleep?”

“What? Gross. No.” Hermione smiled despite herself.

“You’re sure? We had Thai food last time we went out and I can’t be held accountable for-”

“Stop, just stop and kiss me.”

“Done.” Fred leaned in and gently pressed his lips to the corner of Hermione’s mouth.  He gave a small flick of his tongue, sending electricity down her spine. She retaliated by jumping into a deep kiss. They both let their hands wander before settling down for air. 

“Hermione.” Kiss.

“Yes.” Kiss.

“May I-” Kiss. “Take off-” Kiss.

“Yes?” Kiss.

“My shoes?”

They paused, she leaned back and raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that all?”

He grinned. “No, socks too.”

“Oh, well, in that case.” Hermione rolled her eyes.

Fred smiled and picked Hermione up by the waist again, and she wrapped her legs around him. He buried his face in her hair, and began slowly walking the both of them to her bedroom.

“God, you smell good.” Fred sighed deeply into Hermione’s neck.

“What?! I’ve just finished a wretchedly long week. I probably smell like Arbitration and hopelessness.”

“No.” She could hear him smiling. “You smell like you, like my Hermione.”

Hermione was startled by how sweet she thought this was. She asked dimly, “You like the way I smell?” Instantly, she berated herself for sinking to the level of digging for compliments.

“I love the way you smell.” He nuzzled his nose behind her ear. “I love-” Fred stopped short. They were just inside her bedroom. He set her down at the foot of her bed and clicked on the lamp.

“You love what?” She dug.

“I said I love the way you smell.” Fred ignored her stare and calmly took off his shoes, socks, and jacket.

“Yes, and then you started saying you love something else. What else do you love? Hmm?” She smirked, but was still kicking herself. What if he just wasn’t there yet? She should be more patient with him.

“Well, this fine country for one, my mum, I don’t know where I’d be without Georgie…”

“Fred…”

“Ginny’s pretty spectacular, Harry too…” He looked off to the side, as if contemplating his own words.

“Fred…”

“Percy’s an idiot but I guess he has his moments, so in the grand scheme I’d say yes, I do love Percy. I should call him right now. I don’t know if I’ve actually ever told him.”

“Fred!” Hermione was laughing at his rambling.

“Hermione, I love you.”

 

The entire world held it’s breath in quiet reverence.

 

He took her hands and sat on the edge of the bed. He looked into her eyes, her soul.

“Hermione, I have fallen so madly in love with you. I never knew this type of love existed. I envied my friends and siblings when they found their soulmate, but I really didn't understand. They drifted away and it made me think they'd lost touch with themselves. But I think I get it now. I can’t remember anything important happening in my life before I met you. I know there were things, and people, and places. But you changed everything. I want to be a better man because of you. I feel like I found a part of myself within you, something I never knew I was missing. And when we met, God, you were so sexy in that dress. Do you still have that dress? We should find-”

Hermione laughed and tackled him onto the bed. She snuggled into his neck, kissing his jawline and nibbling his earlobe. She centered on him. They were nose to nose. The dim lamplight of the room peeked through Hermione’s loose curls that hung around their faces. She kissed him on the tip of the nose, and smiled.

“Fred, I love you, too.” They held each other's gaze. But the moment didn't last. Hermione sat back and yawned.

“I'm sorry! I think, I just,” she yawned again, “feel so much better, like all my stress melted away, and I'm so tired…”

“It's ok, love, let's get you tucked in.”

 

\------

Crookshanks leapt onto the bed far too early and began to knead the bedspread with his paws. Hermione grumbled into her pillow, but before she could tear herself away, Fred was up and lifting Crookshanks off the bed. She smiled to herself, listening to Fred’s one-sided conversation as he left the bedroom.

“Good morning, Mister Shanks. I see you’re well rested. How about we let the princess sleep in? Hmm?”  

She heard soft meows, the running of the tap, and the tumble of food into the cat dish. She felt a bit guilty, and considered getting up. Before she could process any more information, Fred ducked back into the bedroom and shut the door behind him. He climbed back under the covers and drew close to Hermione. He played with her hair, brushing it out of her face. He lightly kissed the tip of her ear before whispering,

“I love you.”

  
She pulled his arm closer, and laced her fingers with his. “I love you too.”


	5. House rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight breaks out.

**1 year later**

“Ta Da!” Fred swooped his arm to display his apartment door.

Hermione stared at him. “Fascinating door, may we enter now, I'm starving and these bags are heavy.”

“Right.” He turned, unlocked, and opened the door.

Hermione had to say, for two blokes, Fred and George were remarkably clean. A blur of freckles came into view as George, naked as the day he and Fred were born, came sauntering out of his bedroom.

“Hey did you remember to pick up the AAUGH!”

George screamed and ran back into his bedroom.

“Welcome!” Fred laughed. Hermione smiled sheepishly, and blushed.

Fred and Hermione started putting away the groceries. George stumbled out of the bedroom again, wearing jeans and putting on a shirt.

Hermione chuckled and began putting cans in the cupboard. “You know George, I've seen it already.”

“What? When?!”

“Oh my god, seriously, you’re twins. I've seen his,” she nodded towards Fred, “so logic would dictate-”

“Oooo, poor choice of words, love,” laughed Fred.

George countered, “No, see, you've seen _his_. This,” he gestured to his groin, “is mine and only mine.”

“Also a poor choice of words, Georgie.”

A voice rang out from George's bedroom. “I think I might have a claim there!”

“Hello Ang! How are you?” Hermione brightened as the awkwardness turned from her over to George.

Angelina called out, “I'm good! I was great a moment ago. George, I'm really cold now, so you should make up your mind about standing there like an idiot or coming back in here.”

“Poor choice of words, Angelina. But can George recover?” Fred grinned like a cheesy sports reporter.

George, now burning red in the face, opened his mouth to say something, shut it, shook his fist in frustration, left for his bedroom again, shut the door and locked it.

“Like we're going to barge in after all that?!” Fred hollered. He began putting produce in the fridge. He lowered his voice to a mutter,

“Rule one, wear pants.”

“Well we did get back early, it's not like you have a-"

Fred cut Hermione off with a look and pointed to a sign on the wall. It read,

_“Rule one: wear pants.”_

_“Rule two: wear pants, George.”_

“Oh. I see. Hmm. That's new, can you explain that?” Hermione asked, suppressing a chuckle.

Fred didn't return the laugh. “When we were kids, our mum couldn't tell us apart easily. So one day at dinner, we're about eight years old at this point, George decides he'll be known as “the naked one.” Well, despite our pleading, he continued to roam the house as nature made him, and here we are today.”

“You're not serious.” Hermione couldn't help but giggle.

“Read the sign! Percy made it when we all lived at home. I think it's his one useful contribution. I grabbed it from my parents house the last time I was over.”

“Well, since your place is taken currently, why don't we finish these groceries up and go over to my place?”

“I, ok, I just,” Fred stammered.

“You don't want to come over?” Hermione raised an eyebrow.

“No, it just, I miss my bed. I miss my own space.”

“You want your own space? Do you need space?”

“No, Hermione, please don't do this.”

“I'm just telling you what I'm hearing.”

“Look, it's not that, I was just really excited to be at my place-”

“Yes, and your place has naked people in it so let's go.”

“No, please, I have- please can we stay?”

“Fred, I'm friends with Angelina, but I doubt either of us want to get to know each other _that_ well.” She raised her voice. “No offense, Ang.”

“None taken!” Angelina hollered through the closed door.

“Fred, some other time, sure, but let's let them have it tonight.”

“I- fine. But I'm taking my bike over so I can come back here later.”

“What? That doesn't make any sense.”

“Let's just go.”

“Fine. Whatever. I'm going home, I'll see you there.”

“Right behind you.”

Hermione didn't wait. She huffed out the door and down the hall, flung open the door almost knocking over a parcel carrier.

“Sorry,” she muttered, unapologetically.

Hermione got in her car and barely waited for a clearing to pull into traffic.

What was his problem? Why didn't he just say he wanted some time at his own place? Why didn't he just text George tell him that they were early? Similar questions from the last week and the last month scoured at her insides. She found herself focusing on his tendency to hog the covers, on the way he stared at the TV behind the bar when they were out at restaurants, or the way he made a joke out of everything. Her drive home was swarmed with anger. Her pocket psychology was telling her there were deeper issues, to look for those. Whenever Fred got to her apartment, she was going to have a lot of questions to fire at him.

\-----

10:43 pm

Hermione woke up to the sound of her phone buzzing loudly against the empty cereal bowl on her coffee table. She knew it was Fred, she didn't want to hear his lame apology.

\-----

11:00pm

Hermione's phone went off while she was brushing her teeth.

\-----

11:15pm

Hermione ripped her phone off the nightstand, flicked on the lamp, and sat up in bed staring at her ringing phone. She squinted. It wasn’t Fred. It was Angelina.

“Hey Ang, um, what's up?” Hermione picked at her comforter, mindlessly pulling up cat hair and dropping it over the side of the bed.

“Hermione, I'm at St. Mary's with the Weasley's-”

Hermione froze. “Oh god.”

“It's Ginny.”

“No, no no no-”

“Hermione, Fred is pretty shaken up. I know you two just had a fight, but I think-”

“I'm on my way. I'll see you soon.” Hermione hung up and bolted for her closet. She threw on whatever felt like she could stand wearing it for the rest of the night and most of tomorrow. She laced up her trainers. She filled Crookshanks’ water dish and dumped two scoops of food his in bowl. She grabbed her purse and rushed out the door.

Hermione cycled between a sense of urgency that made her want to drive recklessly and the knowledge that Ginny had just been seriously injured in traffic and feeling that she should be careful. After 10 minutes, she evened out a bit. Finally, she parked at the hospital and ran inside the Emergency wing.

Hermione looked around, gazing over the smattering of homeless drunks passed out in the waiting room. She grabbed her phone and checked for new messages, but had none. She sent a text to Angelina saying she was there.

Hermione approached the desk. A nurse who looked to be approximately 200 years old and a chronic smoker sat behind it, reading a magazine.  Hermione cleared her throat and politely asked,  “I'm looking for Ginny Weasley, she was brought in tonight. Can you tell me where she is?”

“Are you family?” the nurse asked without looking up.

Hermione stalled. Lie? Truth? But someone else answered for her.

“Yes. She's with me.”

“Fred-” Hermione ran over to him and without hesitation embraced him tightly. His shoulders began to tremble and his breath was shallow. He held her back so tightly, she thought for a moment she might have to ask for air. But he stepped away, took her hand, and walked her down the hall.

He stopped and turned towards her.

“Hermione, I, I have to tell you this before we go on. I wanted you to stay over because- I had this whole plan and I wanted to give you a gift. I had candles and music…”

“Wow, it sounds like you were going to propose,” said Hermione, sarcastically.

Fred was silent. He was really silent. He was really really silent.

“Fred-”

“Forget it.” He started off down the hall again.

“Fred Weasley, stop right there.”

He stood, still facing away from her. He ran his fingers through his short and messy red hair. He didn't turn around.

“Fred, were you-”

He spun around and marched straight at Hermione. He looked angry. Fear was inching through her veins the closer he came. But he didn't stop in front of her to yell like she thought he would. Instead he pulled her into a kiss. His lips gently pressed against hers, he wrapped one arm around her waist and tangled the other in her hair, caressing the back of her neck with his fingers. She melted into him, pulling him closer with both arms draped around his neck. They remained, unaware. Electricity moved between them. His arms relaxed and they parted enough to rest their foreheads together.

“Marry me.” Fred whispered.

Hermione nodded, making both their heads nod. She smiled. “Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“Yeah!?”

“Fred, I'm absolutely elated, but, this is probably the worst time to ask.”

“What? Why?”

“Ginny?! Is she ok?”

“Right, um, why don't you come see for yourself.”

They walked down the hall, Fred leading Hermione, his fingers laced tightly with hers. Hermione wasn't sure she was ready to see Ginny all bandaged and bruised.

“How fast was she going?”

“I don't really know.”

“Was she wearing her helmet?”

“Wait, what exactly do you think happened?”

“Um, she was in an accident on her bike. Right?”

“Did Angelina tell you that?”

“No, I just figured-”

“Hmm, well, you're wrong.”

They rounded a corner to find the Weasley family crammed into a small waiting room.

A multitude of “Hellos” and “Hey Hermione” came their way.  

“Any sign of Harry?” Fred asked.

“Right behind you.” Harry responded.

Hermione turned to find a disheveled Harry, and oddly, he was smiling. “The nurse said two at a time, but Ginny threatened to punch her, so everybody follow me.”

They passed a few doors and then Harry ducked into a room. Fred and Hermione did the same, followed by the others. Hermione looked at Ginny in confusion, but Ginny wasn't looking at her. Hermione saw a large clear plastic box with cables and tubes coming out of it. Something small and pink was moving inside. Ginny broke the hushed air.

“Everyone, this is James. He's a few months early, so we have some hurdles, but the doctors are confident he'll do well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it! It's a lot in one.


	6. The things we hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby James at home with friends and family.

**3 Months Later**

 

“He is so _tiny_!” Hermione cooed. She held baby James to her chest, patting his back gently. Harry and Ginny had been able to bring him home from the hospital, but he still only weighed 6 pounds. James stirred and fussed. “Oh no, what is it, little man, what's wrong?”

*burp*

“Oop, that's it, spit up on Aunt Hermione.” Ginny encouraged.

“Oh it's just a bit, you'll have to do better than that to get rid of me.” Hermione continued to pat his back.

*BURP* *splat*

Hermione grimaced as spit up soaked her shirt.

Fred laughed, “Good work, James!”

Hermione glared at Fred while she handed James to Ginny. She held the soaking shirt shirt away from herself as she walked to the bathroom. Ginny hollered after her, “I've got clean shirts in the dryer, one of Harry's will fit you better than one of my maternity tents. I still don't fit my old clothes, and I refuse to buy more just yet.”

While Hermione changed, the doorbell rang.  She heard Neville and Luna’s voices cheerily greeting Ginny. Hermione re-entered the living room, shooting Fred another playful glare. Ginny had given him James. Fred beamed, and turned his body away from Hermione to “claim” James. Ginny stood in the entry with Luna and Neville, who was holding their baby, Alice.  

“Congratulations! You’re finally home!” exclaimed Luna, hugging Ginny tightly. “I couldn’t have taken another day in the hospital, and we were barely there for the week.” She started rummaging through a large tote slung over her shoulder. “We brought you some homemade allergen free cookies, as well as mother’s milk tea, some homemade nursing pads…”

Neville cleared his throat and smiled. “Luna has been so excited to come visit you three. We were really glad to hear James was finally off oxygen. Did you get the flowers we sent?”

“I did! Thank you guys so much,” said Ginny. “Please, come on in and get comfy.”

Hermione snuck over and reached for Alice. Neville smiled, “Alice, look, Aunt Hermione is here. There you go.” Hermione took Alice, and the 8-month old smiled back.

“Dah!”

“Oh really! I didn't know.” Hermione began swaying with Alice, making faces to coax more smiles out of her.

Neville and Luna sat on the couch next to Fred. Neville said, “Baby looks good on you, Fred. Whaddya think?”

“It's great, as long as he keeps spitting up on Hermione.”

“Oh why don't you…” Hermione frantically searched for baby-safe words.

“Piss off,” finished Ginny, making everyone laugh.

Hermione set Alice in Luna's lap, and Fred turned James to face them.

“Let the eyeball jabbing begin,” Fred cheered, “C’mon James, work those arms! Go. You can do it.” James remained an unmoving lump of infant. Alice stretched out her chubby hand and Luna encouraged, “Gentle, Ali, be gentle.”  

Eventually, Luna put Alice on the floor with a few toys. Neville looked at Hermione sitting on the floor next to Alice.

“Oh hey, I love that band! I didn't know anyone else had heard of them!”

Hermione looked down at the t-shirt she was wearing and read “ROONIL WAZLIB.”

“I wish I could help you out Neville, but I think this is Harry's. I caught the last round of spit up.”

Neville looked at Ginny. “Where is Harry anyway?”

Ginny rooted her eyes in exasperation. “At the store getting diapers, of course. Where else do we go these days?”

Luna smiled and nodded. “It gets better. Somewhere between the first smile and sitting up, it started getting easier.”

Neville asked “Hey, I've been dying to know, how did you and Harry keep it a secret for so long? We just about exploded the day we found out.”

“I wanted to tell people so much! But right from the get go, we had so many complications. It was just one thing after another. It seemed best to keep it under wraps until we got further on. It was getting pretty difficult to keep a secret. I was really showing, so I just hid. Mum and Dad knew, and that helped. I hid out there a lot in the months before he was born.”

Hermione straightened up and pointed at Ginny. “You weren't busy! All those times I asked you out for wine and you had some excuse! I thought I'd made you mad or something!”

“No, I wasn't, not at all, and it was so hard to turn you down! I would show my phone to Harry and say, “Please, can I just tell Hermione?” But he would look at me all gloomy like, so I just stopped asking him. We were both pretty scared there for a while. I had all sorts of nightmares. Oh, and I had a weird dream that he was born, they whisked him away, and then doctor brought a miniature horse back into the room saying it was my baby.”

“I told you, that's what you get for eating ice cream with crisps on it right before bed,” Harry remarked as he came in the front door.

“Harry! Hey!” Everyone greeted him. Neville jumped up. “Let me help you with the bags.”

Fred kicked out a leg. “I would help you too, Harry, but I'm being held captive by your adorable paperweight.”

“Oh it's fine, it's just these two bags here. George and Angelina brought us a bunch of produce and a few frozen dinners. Plus Ginny's mum has been over a couple times this week, cooked a few meals, did our laundry, let us sleep, amazing woman.”

“Oh that's excellent,” said Neville. “My Gran came by to help us after the first week. It was nice of her, but she's a bit stern.”

Luna looked as though she had an entirely different and less amicable side to this story. Harry seemed to sense this and intervened.

“Oh hey,I see you found my favorite band shirt, Hermione.”

Picking up on the detour, Fred chimed in, “Yeah! I want to hear some of this band. You and Neville can show me and James.” He rose delicately to his feet and carried James, following Harry towards the study.

“Wait for me and Ali!” Neville scooped up Alice and scuttled after them.

The room fell quiet. The three girls sat awkwardly for a moment before Luna spoke. “Ginny, are you really doing ok?”

Ginny's face fell. In the year Hermione had known her, she had never seen Ginny tear up. But her eyes glistened. “Um, n-no.” She buried her face in her hands and began sobbing.

Luna wordlessly moved over to where Ginny sat and wrapped her into a hug. “I didn't think so, but I didn't want to embarrass you. You haven't been yourself lately. It's ok,” she continued to hold Ginny, “you can be off kilter. Everything is chaos right now, it's so difficult!”

Hermione felt incapable of offering helpful advice. While Ginny and Luna talked, she went to the kitchen to get glasses of water for the three of them and some tissues for Ginny. Hermione hated this feeling. She wanted to help, but found herself completely unable to relate. Crookshanks was the closest thing she had to kids, and he pretty much took care of himself. Hermione watched Luna comfort Ginny. She was naturally gentle. Hermione felt out of her element. She resorted to sitting near the other two women, nodding and occasionally smiling while Luna spoke.

“After Alice, I had really bad postpartum depression. That's part of why I didn't enjoy the visit from Neville's Gran. She's from a different era, a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps" era. But, you can't control your hormones right now. It's like a set of scales that got knocked off balance. They are swaying up and down, and they will for a while yet until they settle back to neutral.”

“And you didn't do yourself any favors hiding out.” Hermione interjected. “We could've helped, we could've listened, we could've… been there. We really care about you.”

Ginny continued to cry. “I don't, I'm not, I just-"

“Oy! I leave for one minute and you've already pushed my sister to tears?!” Fred stepped around the corner and into the living room. He knelt down and took Ginny's hands. His tone changed to a gentle whisper. “Ginny, you ok?”

She shook her head and started sobbing again. “I, juh buh, see ih-"

“Um,” Fred looked inquiringly at Hermione and then Luna.

“I think she might be having some issues with Postpartum.” Luna offered.

“I hate that guy!” This made Ginny giggle through her tears. Fred pulled her into a hug. “Gin, a lot of women go through it. Have you talked to Fleur?” Ginny backed out of his hug to glare at him. “I know, I know she's not your favorite, or mine, but Bill mentioned she had a hard time after Dominique was born. The important thing is, you can't keep hiding out. It's ok to need help, and it's ok to want help. It takes a village, right? So let your village help you.”

Ginny nodded meekly.

Fred took that opportunity to scoop Ginny up into a fireman's carry, and started to leave the room.

“Fred! Put me down! What are you doing?”

“C'mon ladies, this one needs the spa treatment. To the bathroom!” He lumbered down the hall with Ginny and then set her down outside the bathroom. “Alright, this is where I must depart. Strange things happen to wayfaring fellows that find themselves in the middle of a girls night.”

Hermione trailed down the hall with Luna. They both looked at Ginny. “Oh fine!” She said with a smile. “I'll get my nail polish.”

“Yay!” Luna and Hermione cheered.

As Luna and Ginny ducked into the bathroom, Hermione caught Fred's arm. She smiled at him warmly.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Hey, if you get bored with the spa du jour, come to the study. Harry has secret wine.”

“Do have to get bored first or can I have secret wine now?”

“You must wait!"

... 

  
“Corkblocker.”


	7. Wrapped Up (in you)

****“Fred?” Hermione hollered from their bedroom.

“Yeah?” He hollered back from the living room.

“Have you seen- I can't find my-” she trailed off, digging through her bedside drawer for the third time. Finally she saw it. At the very back was a gift card that had gotten stuck in the joint between the drawer bottom and it's back panel. She picked it out and turned to leave the bedroom. Looking down at the dust-covered card, she yelled, “Nevermi-"

“WOAH, love, I'm right here.” Fred chuckled, leaning against the door frame.

“Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you.” Hermione grumbled. She brushed past him, stuck in thought. She totally missed his attempt at catching her eye.

“Ouch. Alright then.”

“What? What happened?” Hermione looked at Fred, confused.

He followed her into the living room. “Nothing, I just wanted to sneak a kiss, but you slid past on your ice skates, so I guess you're not interested right now.”

“What? I-huh? I'm sorry. I just-”

“Don't love me anymore?” He sunk onto the couch.

“Fred,” Hermione's face softened.

“Want to call off the wedding?”

“Fred.”

“It's Charlie, isn't it?” Fred shook his head, and wiped away a non-existent tear.

Hermione lowered herself into the couch next to him. “No, actually it's Ginny. She and I have had a secret relationship ever since we met. James is actually my child. Don't tell Harry.”

“The scandal!” Fred mimed fainting and fell into Hermione's side.

“I know, I know, I'm ashamed. But our love was just too strong.”

“I love this side of you.” He squeezed her knee.

“No, you love the side of me that is evidence of you rubbing off on me.”

“I don't deny it.” He reached around and pulled her into a hug, which she accepted after a heavy sigh. “Now, tell me what's got your knickers wound so tight.”

“I'm not wearing any knickers.”

He pulled back from the embrace and pointed at her. “That's just unfair. Do you have any intent of following up on that?”

“Hmm, possibly.”

“Oho. Ok. I see. Two can play at that.”

“I know.” She raised an eyebrow. “Welcome to the game.”

Fred ripped off his t-shirt and gestured to his stomach. “Well, I know you like the abs.”

“Yes, however, I hate it when you call them ‘the abs’.”

“Fine. Fine.” He ran out of the room. Hermione heard water running. Fred returned, running his hands through his now-damp hair. “Rugged, unkempt hair. You can't deal with this level of sexy mischief.”

Hermione walked out and returned a moment later. “Close your eyes.”

“Yes. Of course. Excellent.” He closed his eyes. “Best game ever.”

Hermione stretched up on tiptoe and wielded the comb she had grabbed from the bathroom. With a few quick swipes, she flattened his ginger locks into a slicked down middle part. With bangs.

She smirked. “Sexy mischief, managed.”

“Ok. Not cool. You NEVER touch a black woman's hair.” He mussed up his hair again.

“Oh my god, you can't be serious.”

“Of course I'm not serious. I'm Fred. You'd never marry a bloke named ‘serious’.”

They idled, grinning at each other stupidly.

“It's your move, 'Mione.”

“See, I don't think it is. I think you're still stuck on my “knickers" comment. In fact, I don't think you can unhitch your brain from that idea.”

“It's that so?”

“Yes. Quite so. I have evidence.” Her eyes flitted to the area below his waistband and back up to meet his gaze.

He looked down. “Damn!” He pointed at his crotch. “You're supposed to be on my side!” He struck a strange posture, jutting out a hip and bending forward at the waist. He crossed his arms defiantly. “Still your move!”

Hermione gave him a wry smile. She turned and walked away, flipping her bushy hair over one shoulder. She paused at the bedroom door, eyeing him intently. She chuckled because he was still hunched over. She entered the bedroom, smiling to herself. How long would he stand there, looking ridiculous?

“Um, ‘Mione?”

Her only response was to throw her pyjama bottoms into the living room.

In an instant, she saw a blur of freckles leap onto their bed. He wriggled out of his pants and lay face up, all appendages stretched out.

“I am your starfish! Join me under the ocean of our love!”

“No thanks, I’m not much of a swimmer.” Hermione crossed her arms and giggled. She was still wearing pyjama bottoms.

“Hey! You tricked me!”

“It’s not my fault you’re not observant. I wore those yesterday.”

“Devilish. Absolutely devilish.” Fred gave a mighty ‘Harumph’ and rolled onto his side, away from Hermione. She leaned onto the bed and pinched his bare cheek, just above his hamstrings. “Oy!” He shrieked. He cleared his throat and drastically lowered his voice. “I mean, _Oy_.” He pulled up the covers and wound himself tightly in them.

“Are you giving up, then?”

He looked over his shoulder with a wicked grin. “Never.”

Next moment, Hermione was engulfed in a mess of the covers and Fred’s arms.

\-----

After a shower, the pair nestled back into bed. Fred was tying “knots” into Hermione’s hair and then combing his fingers through her wet curls.

He paused and looked at her. “Oh hey! I think I figured out where Crookshanks has been hiding.”

“Yeah?”

He began playing with her hair again. “I saw him slink out from behind my desk yesterday morning before I left for work. I checked behind it, and it has an empty space beneath the drawer, but the front is covered up. He must be pretty crammed in there, but it’s the only place I can figure he’d be hiding that we hadn’t already checked.”

“He’s probably just being standoff-ish since he’s not the man of the house anymore.”

“Hmm. Yeah.” Fred stopped twiddling.

“Hey,” Hermione curled over and kissed Fred on the cheek. “I’m really glad you moved in. I love you, I love having you here every morning and every night. Crooks can learn to live with it.”

“I love you too. And I love the donut shop down the street. I told you on our first date-”

They looked at each other knowingly, then leapt out of the bed and over to the closet. They threw on clothes and shoes, grabbed their essentials, ran out the door, down the hall and out onto the sidewalk.

“Race you!” Hermione called out.

“You’re on!” Fred took off towards Go Nuts Donuts.

Hermione watched him get just far enough away, pulled his keys out of her purse, and eased onto his motorcycle. Fred and Ginny had insisted on lessons. After many eye rolls and semi-arguments, Hermione had learned how to drive one. She didn’t have their dare-devil nature, but she was confident. She started the engine and looked up to see if Fred had noticed. He hadn’t, he was running full speed ahead. She pulled out of the parking space and into traffic. As she passed Fred, she made sure to speed by, revving the engine.

A minute later she pulled up in front of Go Nuts, killed the engine, and waited. Smugly.

Five minutes passed before an out-of breath Fred jogged up to her.

“That.” He heaved a few breaths. “Was the sexiest-” Breath. “And cruelest-” More breaths. “Augh! I need water!”

“C’mon, lover boy.” Hermione started toward the entrance.

“Hang on, let me catch my-”

“Dignity?”

“..Yes.”

Hermione ran her fingers through her still damp hair, and tied it back in a plait. She gave him an inquisitive eyebrow. He nodded, still taking deep gulps of air. She unsaddled the motorcycle and they walked in the shop. The smell of warm sweet bread and roasty toasty coffee filled the air. They got their order and sat at a table near the window.

“Alright, love, do you want to tell me what your mood was about earlier today?”

“Oh, that. It’s a bit embarrassing really. I’m sorry you caught the brunt of it. That card I was looking for, it’s a gift card. I’m planning on using it to buy a baby shower gift for a friend at work. It’s for a store I don’t really shop at anyway, so I’ll use it for the gift and be done with it.”

“Another prego? Who is it this time?”

“It’s Cho. I really like her, don’t get me wrong. There’s just so much pressure to buy a gift the mom will actually like, and everyone is different. This bottle only, those diapers, organic this, vegan that. I’m just over the whole ‘having babies’ thing. I’d like kids _someday_ , I’m just not at that point yet. I want my career. I’ve worked hard, and I like the work I do. ”

“Oh good.” Fred smiled and relief washed over his face. “I’m actually happy to hear you say that. I like the work you do too. You're amazing at it. Your clients love you. I was worried that all these kids cropping up around us were an impending force of nature on you. I want kids too, eventually. Just not in the near future.”

“Yes, thank you. I’m glad you feel that way too. As much as I love James and Alice, I miss my friends. I miss having friends that don’t have children. They’re never available, or they’re too tired to go out for drinks. I know it’s something I’ll understand when I get there. But right now I just think… I think they’re kind of… boring. Is that terrible?”

“No! Believe me, when Bill got married and had kids, none of us understood it. We all thought he’d been brainwashed by Fleur. He just mellowed out so much. He was this cool ladies man, and then suddenly he was a homebody. But he and I had a good talk one Christmas. He said that he still enjoys the things he used to. But he also has a newfound joy. He loves his family, and boring as it seems, he prefers to be with them. He said that to him and Fleur, their kids are the coolest little creatures, exploring the world, discovering and enjoying the things he and Fleur love to do. I think they are monkeys with a propensity for messes, but to each his own.”

They ate in silence for a moment. After a pause Hermione spoke up.

“Do you mind if we go from here to get the shower gift?”

“Not at all. Let’s get that out of the way. I may be off base, but I think it might be bothering you. No?”

“Shut up and eat your donut.” She grinned.

\-----

Sunlight danced between flowing white fabric. Pale green ribbons were entwined with pink and yellow flowers. A wooden arch stood against the backdrop of the Weasley’s farm. Underneath the arch stood Hermione, in a simple white dress. It hugged her curves, it’s straps criss-crossed in back, and it floated just above her knees. Her hair was in it’s natural curly state, with flowers pinned in above her ears. Fred stood holding her hands, wearing a button down shirt with the sleeves rolled, slacks and suspenders. To Hermione’s right stood Ginny and Luna in dresses that mirrored hers but in pale green. To Fred’s left stood George and Lee, also in button downs, slacks, and suspeners. Charlie stood between them all, having been ordained online.

“Fred, do you take Hermione, to hold and cherish, to honor and love, to stop, collaborate, and listen, for better or worse, so long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” Fred beamed at Hermione and squeezed her hands.

“Hermione, do you take Fred? Please, take him off our hands. Really, you’re doing us all a favor…”

The Weasley’s erupted into cheers, hoots, and whistles. Fred glared at them disapprovingly.

“I do!” Hermione yelled over the crowd. She smiled at Fred and squeezed his hands in return.

“Then by the power invested in me by some people, you may kiss the bride!”

Fred dipped Hermione and kissed her for all he was worth. Music played and the crowd cheered.

After a lot of dancing, too many toasts, and far too little to eat, Harry snuck the newlyweds into his car instead of the heavily “decorated” get-away car. George, Lee, Ron, Ginny, and Charlie had displayed their talents for drawing male genitalia around the words “Just married.”

“C’mon you two, I’ve got your luggage, let’s get you to the airport.” Harry whispered.

“Good ol’ Harry, so sneaky.” Fred chimed.

“Thank you, Harry! I wasn’t looking forward to what we would find inside the car.” Hermione sighed.

“Condoms. Loads and loads of condoms.” Harry muttered.

Fred laughed. “Hey, do me a favor, scrape them all together and we’ll use them on George and Angelina’s get-away car next month.”

“I’m not going near them. But I’ll pass the message along to Gin.”

\-----

As Hermione and Fred ducked sheepishly out of the airplane bathroom, the air hostess winked at them. They settled back into their seats, stowing their backpack as they did.

Hermione leaned to whisper in Fred’s ear. “What I _meant_ was, would you like to change clothes, _separately._ ”

“Now why would I go and do a thing like that?” He grinned.

“Because then I wouldn’t have had to stand on the toilet to make room for you!”

“Yes but since you were standing on the toilet I was able to-”

“SHH!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, my friends. I really hope you enjoyed this AU. I really enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> I'm going to be busy in the next few months, so my posts on "The New Perspective" might be slim. But do check for updates! I have plot points in my fridge of ideas, I just need time to whisk and bake. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this, thank you for the comments, kudos and bookmarks. It means a lot to me that you've found interest in this little creation. Of course, all character credit goes to the wonderful J.K. Rowling, as well as a few "honorable mentions" here and there. This is my first completed story line in fan fiction. I really enjoyed the experience, and that's because you're a wonderful and receptive audience. Thanks for the support. 
> 
> Love,  
> Dand3l1on


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